CHAPTER ONE

Annie was opening her letter box when Walt crept up from behind and kissed her neck. He began intimately touching her. Annie assumed it was her boyfriend Phillip.

ANNIE
You’re not usually this hands on.

WALT
It must be those new stockings of your’s.

Annie realized it was Walt and gasped.

ANNIE
What the hell are you doing? What if someone sees us?

WALT
Let them. I’d like to have someone watch.

ANNIE
That isn’t funny Walt, what if Phillip sees us?

WALT
I don’t give a shit about Phillip.

ANNIE
What about me? Do you give a shit about me?

WALT
Is that a rhetorical question?

She scornfully glared at him.

WALT (CONT’D)
Of course I do.

ANNIE
Then why are you trying to get us caught?

She pulled him into the corner under the stairs.

WALT
When are you gonna dump that idiot?

ANNIE
Walter, we talked about this. I’ve built a life with him. I moved to this city just for him, a part of me still loves him.

Walter always pretended it wasn’t true. His jovial demeanor whimpered away, his cold, stony and stoic persona took charge.

WALT
Gun to your head, someone said Phillip or Walt… Who would you choose?

He gestured a gun with his finger tips and pressed them against Annie’s temple.

ANNIE
I don’t want to play this game Walt.

He held her closer.

WALT
You don’t have a choice.

He pressed his finger/gun under her chin.

WALT (CONT’D)
Give… me… a name.

She chewed her bottom lip.

ANNIE
What am I doing, choosing who lives?

Walt shook his head.

WALT
Choosing who dies.

Annie leered at him, before curling her lips in the shape of his name. “Walter Scott”. She wore a smug smirk in a way only she could make endearing. He glared unimpressed.

ANNIE
Go on, pull the trigger.

Continue reading “Raise Hell: The Good Die Young pt.2” »

CHAPTER ONE

Walter Scott was not a happy man, he wasn’t a talented man, and when we get right down to it… he wasn’t even a very good man. During his life he moved with no purpose or direction, and as a result a lot of his mistakes in life stemmed from this. The guy had no idea what he wanted, unless he saw someone else with something he didn’t have. Then he’d finally start applying himself. Not towards earning these same things, but instead taking them for himself. Why?

WALT
It’s not enough to have what they have. I want them not to have it either.

But Walter don’t you see that’s stealing.

WALT (CONT’D)
I don’t give a shit. I deserve this stuff way more than any of them.

Walter felt entitled. He believed in a type of cosmic balance, “Shit things happen to me therefor good things must also happen to me.” Unfortunately he died before anything good ever came his way. Now he resides in Hell, serving out an eternal life sentence. Funny thing is, he’s now finally found a purpose.

When it comes to bringing misery and pain to others Walter Scott was a natural. He knew all the most agonizing instruments of torture and how to employ them. Lawyers who bent and exploited the justice system while they were alive, would represent a conveyor belt of clients before a judge in civil court. There would be no recess and no fees. And baring in mind this was hell, none of the matters were clear cut. When one man would burrow money from another man, and not pay it back; the other man would set fire to his dog. Yes even animals go to hell. If you’ve ever seen an episode of Judge Judy then you can imagine the pain pretty accurately, in fact that’s exactly where Walter got the idea. Only difference being the lawyers.

Walt was sat in front of the court house smoking a cigar like an asshole. He liked to micro manage, so he’d make occasional stops at all his punishments. As the unsatisfied clients made their way out the doors, Walt popped a bottle of champagne and sprayed it all over them like something out of a F1 podium.

VLAD
What the fuck?! Why the hell did I get fined?! This asshole stole from me!

RUSSLE
I stole from you cause you wouldn’t stop eating my mother’s ashes! I’m throwing all your god damn VHS tapes in the trash.

WALT
The reason you were fined was because you even owned a VHS collection. If the soul wasn’t immortal I’d have you sentenced to death.

VLAD
What do you want from me I died in 84.

WALT
You still could have had Laserdisc.

Walt proceeded to crack the bottle of champagne against the steps of the court house, or he tried. The films would have you believe that shattering a glass bottle is as simple as tapping it against a bar top, if this were true we’d all be drinking out of tin cans. Walt continued to hack away at the steps like an ape. His last swing had so much gusto it flew from his grip. He examined both his hands and then the floor. It wasn’t there. He then heard a thud followed by a shatter.

LOUIE
Arggghh!!!! What the fuck?!

Walt turned around, and standing before him surrounded by broken glass was Lucifer himself.

LOUIE (CONT’D)
What the shit? When did we start throwing glass bottles at people here? Or is that apart of the punishment?

WALT
No, I was trying to christen the court house.

LOUIE
Why? It’s been around forever.

WALT
Yeah, but now it’s really serving justice.

LOUIE
You got a point. It’s just like an episode of Judge Judy, although I still think the people on that show are in more agony. Hey we should really look at throwing bottles at the people when they come out, that would really ruin their day. Also instead of having one person win a case, how about they both lose. Yeah! Everybody loses!

WALT
What? That’s a stupid fucking idea Louie, no one is going to go to court if they know they’re automatically gonna lose.

LOUIE
This is Hell Walt, we can’t have any winners here.

WALT
What? That doesn’t make any sense, we have casinos here; people win shit all the time.

LOUIE
Fine, but we’re throwing glass bottles at them when they come outside.

Continue reading “Raise Hell: The Good Die Young pt.1” »

Deep, deep, down inside, there’s a good man…

Dear Viewer,

We have now arrived at the final episode of this horrendous tale of suffering, betrayal, murder and omelettes. To all those who have followed our heroes since the start of their journey; well done. It takes a special kind of person to sit through this. You are now one in a million. You’re not on top of the food chain, you’re beyond it.

P.S. Listen Kailash Kanojia go fuck yourself, if I see you in my neighborhood again, I’ll bite your fucking nose off.

Worst Regards,

Space Lion, The guy that found all seven Dragon Balls

Glitch People – Episode 5 – You’re a Good Man Charlie Brown

It’s now time for the final showdown. Harper and Hector have found the architects of their suffering. Words as well as punches will be exchanged as the four men clash. Elsewhere, the curtain will finally be closed on Larry and his fragile psyche.

Remember to hate, bitch and forget to subscribe. And fuck you for watching.

CREDITS

Directed by Space Lion | Special Guest Director Musa Mal Sija | Edited by Sean Johansen | Produced by Edward Amoah | Written by Daniele Russo, Sean Johansen, Savas Constantine and Edward Amoah | Additional material performed by the cast

THE CAST

Harper, Footsteps, Hans, Boyle – Daniele Russo Hector, Charlie Brown, Phil – Sean Johansen Larry Goldberg, Zoning Commissioner – Savas Constantine

All music and stock footage is royalty free, and used in accordance with the fair usage policy act, and are properties of their respective owners. Any resemblance between the characters in this picture and any persons, living or dead, is a miracle.

Copyright © 2016 Glitched. All rights reserved.

Just do it…

Dear Viewer,

You know you go about life with a certain rhythm, you start performing this rhythm so often it becomes second nature. Then you start going on auto pilot. You wake up, get ready for work, wave your spouse and child goodbye. At work you do what you’re supposed to, you drink your coffee, go on Facebook, eat a panini. Then you come home, eat your gluten free Couscous, kiss your loved ones good night and drift to sleep. When you wake up, you begin the whole process again, and again, and again. But. Sometimes, something different happens. Yeah. Sometimes, something, comes along and disturbs your rhythm. You’re there laying in bed, content with your ignorant existence. You think everything is okay, you think your lover and child is safe and everything’s good. Then you wake up the next day and everything is on fire. We are that fire.

Worst Regards,

Space Lion
The face that runs the place

Glitch People – Episode 4 – Time to Eat

Footsteps has captured Larry and is beginning the young man’s indoctrination. Meanwhile our heroes Harper and Hector come closer to unraveling the truth. Will what they discover ask more questions than it answers… of course!

Remember to hate, bitch and forget to subscribe. And fuck you for watching.

CREDITS

Directed by Space Lion | Special Guest Director Musa Mal Sija | Edited by Sean Johansen | Produced by Edward Amoah | Written by Daniele Russo, Sean Johansen, Savas Constantine and Edward Amoah | Additional material performed by the cast

THE CAST

Harper, Footsteps, Hans – Daniele Russo

Hector, Charlie Brown – Sean Johansen

Larry Goldberg, Zoning Commissioner – Savas Constantine

All music and stock footage is royalty free, and used in accordance with the fair usage policy act, and are properties of their respective owners.

Any resemblance between the characters in this picture and any persons, living or dead, is a miracle.

Copyright © 2016 Glitched. All rights reserved.

There will be violence…

Dear Viewer,

You are watching the latest episode of Glitch People. If you’ve been watching these out off order they make no sense, if you’ve been watching them in order they make even less sense. Whatever the case, you can’t deny the jump in quality. That’s the thing with starting from the bottom, you got nowhere to go but up.

Worst Regards,

Space Lion
Personal Adviser to Kim Jong Un

Glitched People – Episode 3 – Smile Larry

Hans has found Larry, and he’s sent the unhinged South African Footsteps to retrieve him. Harper and Hector finally begun their fight for the land, but another player may come out on top. Also the very crew filming this have a metaphysical crisis on their hands.

Remember to hate, bitch and forget to subscribe. And fuck you for watching.

CREDITS

Directed by Space Lion | Special Guest Director Musa Mal Sija | Edited by Sean Johansen | Produced by Edward Amoah | Written by Daniele Russo, Sean Johansen, Savas Constantine and Edward Amoah | Additional material performed by the cast

THE CAST

Harper, Footsteps, Boyle – Daniele Russo

Hector, Charlie Brown, Phil – Sean Johansen

Larry Goldberg, Zoning Commissioner, The Producer – Savas Constantine

All music and stock footage is royalty free, and used in accordance with the fair usage policy act, and are properties of their respective owners.

‘Evening of Chaos’, ‘Enchanted Journey’ and ‘Medusa’ by Kevin MacLeod are licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution licence (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

Sources: http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/?keywords=evening+of+chaos

http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/?keywords=enchanted+journey

http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/?keywords=medusa

Artist: http://incompetech.com/
Any resemblance between the characters in this picture and any persons, living or dead, is a miracle.

Copyright © 2016 Glitched. All rights reserved.

Dear viewer,

It’s Hector’s debut to the glitched retrospective game, and he’s very excited to share his recollections of the Tomb Raider games and reminisce over some of his favourite moments from the series. People laughed at Hector and said he was crazy for thinking he could condense a 20 year old gaming franchise into a 10 minute video. To those people he got out his cock and screamed “condense this!!” and they haven’t given him any shit since.

Sean Johansen,
Set to win the first ever ‘Slammy writer of the year’ award this December.

Please forget to subscribe.

CREDITS

All Tomb Raider footage and images used belong to Square Enix Europe.

Any copy righted material featured is done so with fair use for the purpose of commentary, criticism and education.

MUSIC

All tracks composed by Benjamin Tissot

‘Slow Motion’

‘Ofelia’s Dream’

‘Piano Moment’

‘New Dawn’

‘Enigmatic’

All music is royalty free, and used in accordance with the fair usage policy act, and are properties of their respective owners.

Copyright © 2016, Glitched. All rights reserved.

 

All the foxy ladies love my accent. It drives them crazy.

Dear Viewer,

Our friend Harper has a lot to say about this particular game. None of it remotely intelligent or worthwhile, but if I had to be nice I’d call it insightful. The whole landscape of horror games has changed so much over the years, but perhaps you’d like to learn why we were so afraid of this game back in 99. So baby gimme that toot toot. Lemme give you that beep beep. Running her hands through my ‘fro. Bouncing on 24’s. While they say on the radio…

Space Lion
I’m not a good guy. I’m not a bad guy. I’m the guy.

CREDITS

All Resident Evil footage and images used belongs to Capcom

All Wrestlemania 9 footage belongs to WWE

All conceptual artwork featured in the video belongs to their respected artists and Capcom

All Resident Evil: Apocalypse images used belongs to Screen Gems and Capcom

Any copy righted material featured is done so with fair use for the purpose of commentary, criticism and education.

MUSIC

Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven

Black Heat by Ross Bugden

Haunted by Ross Bugden

Anxiety by Kevin MacLeod

Collapse by Myuu

Touch by Mattia Cupelli

Please Return by Brian Lowe

All music is royalty free, and used in accordance with the fair usage policy act, and are properties of their respective owners.

Copyright © 2016 Glitched. All rights reserved.

That was too close. You were almost a Jill sandwich!

Dear Viewer,

Harper is at it again, this time with a retrospective on Resident Evil 2. Before you ask, the answer is yes… he did record the audio with a potato. it’s sounds like shit, but when you take into consideration the fact that he made this in the wilderness; it’s kinda of impressive.

I don’t see why anyone interested in Resident Evil wouldn’t want to watch this. See, I know just what you want and I know just what you need girl. So, baby, bring your body to me bring your body here.
I’m not fooling around with you, Baby, my love is true.
With you is where I wanna be.

Space Lion
Former Defense Attorney to O.J. Simpson

CREDITS

All Resident Evil footage and images used belongs to Capcom

All Sweet Home footage belongs to Capcom

All conceptual artwork featured in the video belongs to their respected artists and Capcom

All Night of the Living Dead content and footage is public domain

Any copy righted material featured is done so with fair use for the purpose of commentary, criticism and education.

All music is royalty free, and used in accordance with the fair usage policy act, and are properties of their respective owners.

Copyright © 2016 Glitched. All rights reserved.

What is a man? A miserable pile of secrets!

Dear Viewer,

This here was Harper’s first stab at the whale that is Youtube’s video game market. And it looks like old Harper was destined to fail. Instead of making a video of himself playing MasterCraft, he thought he’d be an asshole and try to educate people. But god bless Harper he tried, the video is a piece of shit but at least he tried.

If you like Castlevania and if you love Symphony of the Night, then this video is for you. If you consider yourself a student of gaming history, then this is part of your curriculum. If you like Piña coladas and getting caught in the rain. If you’re not into yoga, if you have half a brain. If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape. I’m the love that you’ve looked for, write to me, and escape.

Worst Regards,

Space Lion
The Least Famous Brother Of Alec Baldwin

CREDITS

All Castlevania footage and images used belongs to Konami

All artwork featured in the video belongs to Ayami Kojima and
Konami

All Sonic characters featured in the video belong to Sega

All Super Mario, Pokemon and The Legend of Zelda footage used belongs to Nintendo

All Duke Nukem Forever footage used belongs to Gearbox Software

All 007 Golden Eye footage belongs to Rare and EON Productions

All Final Fantasy 7 footage used belongs to Square Enix

Any copy righted material featured is done so with fair use for the purpose of commentary, criticism and education.

MUSIC

ADHD by daPlaque (ft. Anke Angel)

Johan Sebastian Bach

Copyright © 2016 Glitched. All rights reserved.

When I see you cry, yeah, it makes me smile.

Dear Viewer,

So you’ve looked at episode 1 and come back for more. Either you’re the worst human beings in the world or you’re just here to hurl more abuse- in which case keep up the good work.

Your One and Only,

Sean Johansen
WWE Writer’s Room Alumni

Glitched People – Episode 2: Follow the Money

We pick up where we left off… fuck knows where that’s supposed to be, but nonetheless, here’s some South African debt collectors.

CREDITS

Directed by Space Lion | Produced by Edward Amoah | Written by Daniele Russo, Sean Johansen and Edward Amoah | Additional material performed by the cast

THE CAST

Harper, Hans, Footsteps – Daniele Russo

Hector, Charlie Brown – Sean Johansen

Larry Goldberg – Savas Constantine

The Cameraman – Edward Amoah

All music and stock footage is royalty free, and used in accordance with the fair usage policy act, and are properties of their respective owners.

Any resemblance between the characters in this picture and any persons, living or dead, is a miracle.

Copyright © 2016 Glitched. All rights reserved